My Story Right Now

Well, here goes. This blog has many purposes: 1-to provide me an outlet to organize and express my thoughts surrounding my health and fitness life, and 2-to share my story and journey to help others on their own journey!  It's been about two years since I hooked up with my Beachbody coach, Shannon Golloday. I'll back track even a little more than that. I've always been fit, loved sports in high school and was able to play volleyball, basketball and softball. I ran track in middle school as a sprinter and jumper. It was so much fun. I never worried about what I ate. I did, however, struggle with an eating disorder for a little while as a teenager and I've always struggled with my self image. I have always had a serious sweet tooth/sugar addiction/whatever you want to call it. Even as a young girl I always wanted more cookies than I got, I always wanted to sneak a little extra dessert. So, fast forward to freshman year at college and I ended up exercising my new freedom by eating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted which included keeping a can of vanilla frosting in my desk drawer and eating it by the spoonful! Needless to say, I saw the freshman 15 come on! But it wasn't too bad. I got married at age 19 and remember slowly gaining a few pounds through our (short) engagement but I was still happy with my size. Fast forward again, I've had three kids now. My youngest just turned 3 in January. I put on quite a bit of weight with each pregnancy and it bummed me out, especially when people were so surprised how big I was considering I was tall. I'd always pictured myself as being that tall, slender, barely-showing-is-she-really-pregnant kind of girl but I was not! After my second kid I managed to lose most of the weight and got to a fairly comfortable spot with little effort. After my third though, I didn't bounce back. Three kids was hard. Doesn't help that our oldest had some unique struggles that made things more demanding and exhausting for me and we were homeschooling so they were all home all the time. I started eating junk food-sweets-all the time. It was my reward for a good day, my outlet for a stressful day, my comfort when stressed, my everything basically. I started eating at night when my kids would keep me up. I ate during the day because I was just so tired. Food became basically my coping mechanism for anything and everything. That coupled with the total sleep exhaustion that had built up over the years of babies and I finally felt like I might have a mental breakdown when my youngest was about 2ish. I was able to change a few things in life and it was also then that I found Shannon through facebook. We had a mutual friend and she was starting some kind of challenge and I needed help. I needed some outside help to lose what had started as 'baby weight' and had turned into just regular fatness! It's like my health just slowly slipped away. I didn't notice because I was learning how to be a wife and mom and an adult and then it hit me that I was now one of those grown-ups that struggled with their weight! I remember distinctly the first time I talked with her. I felt drawn to her because her story was much like mine: pregnancy weight, little kids, needing to get back in control. And she had done it! Well, we talked on the phone one night and as she questioned me about my health and fitness and life I think I actually cried because of the stress I carried and the lack of hope I had of ever getting my thin, healthy, athletic, positive self back! She was so supportive. Long story short, I tried a few months of shakeology and it was good but I didn't love it and wasn't consistent. I also got T25 and I loved it! It is 25 HARD minutes and I felt like a wimp because I could barely keep up with the modifier but after 4 weeks I had a noticeable improvement in my fitness. I lost about 15 lbs but then gained it back because my nutrition hadn't really changed. Well, I stepped away from Beachbody. I tried WeightWatchers (twice) but never kept up with my points, I read all about nutrition and knew what I needed but I couldn't do it-I couldn't stay away from sugar. And the harder I tried, the worse it got. I'd tell myself "NO sugar" and I'd make it a couple days and then I'd crash in a binge. The binges became secret and I hid them from my kids and husband because I was too embarrassed to admit that I was failing. My self worth plummeted because each time I set a health goal and failed I beat myself up over it, about how weak I was etc... I then tried Medifast's Take Shape For Life program. I personally think it is a good program-lots of good features. I had a couple people I know go through it with success and it was fast results which I thought I could do. But again, the food restrictions killed me and I'd binge every few days or weeks. I even did a triathlon last year and it was one of the most amazing things ever and I LOVED it and it motivated me enough to exercise consistently and STILL I remember finishing at the gym and stopping at a cupcake shop on the way home! I had separated exercise and nutrition-I'd separated working out to help my body vs to lose weight. I LOVE exercising-it feels great, I love getting stronger and racing and whatnot but when you're overweight it's HARD. I needed to find a way to get my nutrition under control so I could reach my fitness goals! Well, now here we are in March 2015. Through all of this up and down I'd always seen Shannon's facebook posts-she was so positive but real, motivating and supportive, and quietly consistent. If I reached out with a question she'd respond, but she didn't push. I felt like I should reconnect again. I even expressed curiosity in how being a Beachbody coach worked and she asked me what was holding me back. There were a couple reasons but a big one was that I wasn't sold on shakeology. I didn't love it. I decided to order it one more time. This time I tried the chocolate shakeology flavor. I had started with vanilla because I'm not a huge chocolate fan (gasp!) but never loved it. Well, I got my chocolate in the end of January and it has CHANGED MY LIFE. It was so good-it was something I could actually see myself drinking daily! So I did. I drank it every day. And guess what?! In the last month, I have seen, for the FIRST TIME, my cravings for sugar decrease now to the point where some of the sweets I used to love don't even really sound that good. My tastes have changed. It has helped my energy-I don't know how but I feel better after a month on it than I did before! It has helped me feel in control of my nutrition. Now I was sold on it. I really still don't comprehend how it has helped me because it's a hard thing to measure but I love it. It's the only variable in the last couple months that has changed in my life and so I attribute all the goodness I've had to it :). In the first couple weeks I didn't even change my eating that much-still had desserts every day or so. But slowly, I was able to not do that. Now it's not easy. I've learned that this journey is never easy. And it takes a lot of mental work. But it can be done. I'm still doing it. The next thing that's helped me/is helping me is the 21 day fix. All the Beachbody workouts come with nutrition guides but as evidenced from my past, I don't stick to strict eating plans very well. And they end up pushing me in the opposite direction toward bad habits. But, the 21 day fix program is NOT a nutrition program or guide or whatever you want to say. I like to call it a healthy eating portion control system :). Because all it does it take the food groups and teach you how much and which groups to eat. I already knew (I'm guessing we all know) the major food groups and where most foods fall in them, but this program is helping me get the right amounts of each group. AND, it's so flexible-I can really eat most of the foods I like whenever I want during the day. It's great. I don't feel restricted at all. So, I think that's where I'm at now. I signed up as a coach because it gives me more accountability but more than that, I want others  (I want YOU) to see this journey I'm going through. Because I AM going to make it to my health and fitness goals and I want you to watch the whole way. Because if I can do it, SO CAN YOU. And I know that sounds cliché but it's true. I've had all the mental fights with myself, I've had obstacles, and while our obstacles won't be the same we can share the fact that we all struggle with things that are hard for us personally and we can overcome together! My favorite part about Beachbody is how I've been connected to incredibly positive people! My coach and all the others I'm connected to are positive and uplifting, and Beachbody themselves encourage personal development. Health and fitness is not just a physical journey-it's mental, emotional, spiritual, full-being journey! Alright, that's my back story in a nut shell :) I could write more, and I will, but it will come in pieces. I hope you will read my story and appreciate the honesty that I have. The honesty makes me feel a little vulnerable but I'm hoping if I'm honest then others can see the real journey. That's one thing I always thought as I saw people be healthy and fit was that they made it look easy, or simple, or fun all the time. And I was confused because in my head it wasn't easy or simple or fun all the time! But I've learned that for most people it's none of those things (not at first) but no one shares the hard, ugly stuff. So I will. I'll share it all! I hope it helps you on your journey too! And I cannot wait to make more progress and get to share that too!